One of the words I have heard the most while attending CRMS was compassion. When I first heard that word, I did not exactly know what to make of it. English is not by first language, so it usually takes me a while to grasp a word in a context. The word compassion especially took me a long time; it was not until I joined the telemark ski team in my senior year at CRMS.
For the last ski season at CRMS, I wanted to try something different from alpine skiing that I had been doing for two years. I had gone on a couple of fall/spring trips with Kayo Ogilby the head coach of CRMS telemark team, and he encouraged me to join the team. I hesitated not only because I am not the most athletic person but also I wanted to make sure that I had a good shot at telemark skiing before joining a competitive team, but after talking to Kayo a several times, I decided to join the team to make the most out of my last year at CRMS.
As a pretty solid alpine skier, learning how to telemark was very difficult. Kayo was patient with me throughout the whole process, and he gave me big and small tips whenever he could. I always felt bad because I thought my inability to master the turn was dragging the team, but I did my best because I did not want to disappoint Kayo who was being extremely supportive. Then one weekend when I was skiing by myself, I could all the sudden smoothly turn without losing control feeling the right kind of burn on my thighs. I was ecstatic about my accomplishment and could not wait until the next training where I could show my turns to Kayo and the team.
When the whole team was cruising on the slope the following training day, I started to rush down the hill to show off my skills but I did not see a roller coming up in front of me. Without any time to even think about landing, I shot myself up into the air and face-planted stepping with my hands. Kayo and ski patrols rushed over to see if I was hurt at all. Looking at my hands swelling up, I tried to be merry because I was afraid I might have disappointed the team once again. Although my face was covered with blood and I could not move my hands at all, I made jokes and laughed to cover my embarrassment. All I wanted to do was to be an excelling teammate, but I ended up on the ground breaking both of my hands and scaring my face.
It took me about two months to completely recover from my injury. My doctor advised me not to ski until I was perfectly well, but I was eager to get back on my skis and be a part of the team again. When I did get back on the slopes, however, the fear factor crept up on me. Every time the team was doing something slightly out of my comfort zone I got overly scared, and I found myself not having fun anymore. I also sensed a growing gap between me and the teammates because I constantly pulled back from the challenges we were facing as a team. A few weeks after my return to the team, I started to feel uncomfortable going skiing with the team because I thought I never met up the expectations, and I was also afraid I was going to get hurt again.
Deciding to quit the team was not as hard as going up to Kayo and telling him that I was quitting the team. I caught Kayo in the Science Building after the first period to talk about my withdrawal. When I knocked on his classroom door and said I needed to talk to him, it seemed like he already knew what was going on. I told him that I had to quit the team because after the injury I was not enjoying the physical challenges that the team was facing. I started to tear up because I could not believe that I was letting Kayo down after all his support and advice.
But Kayo was not disappointed in me. He said that he was very proud of me for getting to where I was from not being able to telemark at all, and that he completely understood my fear factor. He gave me a big hearty hug saying that I could come skiing with the team anytime I wanted to.
The concept of compassion was something that I had a hard time grasping during my years at CRMS, but how Kayo cared and supported me gave me a firm notion of it. Kayo was constant with his empathy and solicitude from the beginning to the end. His unconventional support and concern made me feel comfortable with who I am, and made me wish I could impact the others in such way as well. Kayo, thank you for taking me as exactly who I am and appreciating what I could offer although there was not much. For you I did get the best out of my last year at CRMS comprehending the meaning and the value of compassion.
YouJeong Jeong Class of 2007
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